The term "Gypsy" has historically referred to a person of Romanian descent who followed a generational inclination to not subscribe to cultural expectations of living in a home, in a neighborhood, for a lifetime. As far as I can tell, they come into and go out of the world without real deep tap roots. They are kind of hard to round up statistics on, by virtue of the fact that they never stay anywhere too long, but my educated guess would have to be that probably only .003% of the current American population fit the criteria to be called a Gypsy. They are not to be mistaken with the Homeless, the Grifters or the Gangstahs. They are also not thieves. They often have a bizarre super-power that makes you tell them your deepest, darkest secrets. Yes. Bizarre. But, true. Very, verrrrry good listeners here, baby. There aren't too many of us, so you needn't worry about your own personal depository of deep and dark escaping.
Contemporary Gypsies are nomads and drifters. Most of them grew up in conventional homes with typical expectations. They had limitations (I've not yet met a trust-fund baby who was a Gypsy, but I can't rule out the possibility) and they were rooted in what our culture told us was normal. Some still have family, mostly disenfranchised, and some have none. Some are grandmas and parents and some are on the run from the law and parking tickets. I've never met the bad ones, though I'm sure they must exist. The ones I know and love are smart, clever, reasonable, brave and articulate people who either chose to leave the grid, or got squished off.
The best equipped and most responsible Gypsies have actual transportation, but they are few and far between. The most clever and able one's have learned to navigate every single conceivable part of any transit without ever having to actually own a car. This includes all the major and secondary highways, state laws, campground sites and costs and train, plane and bus schedules. They know how to troll Craigslist for a ride and then how to conduct thorough research on the potential drivers they will be crossing the country with. Gypsies aren't really very stupid because they rely heavily on their cunning to keep them alive and moving.
Gypsies are, generally, awfully dang handy to have around, as well. This could easily be one of their greatest strengths. They possess MacGuyver-like mad-wicked skills and a ton of random crap to help pull off most impossible missions. I would always, most definitely, want a good Gypsy on my team. They are at least as valuable as dentists, lawyers and geeks. At least. They can reroute servers, birth babies, run metrics on your SEO, fix toilets, set broken bones, build digital brands, clean garages and pull teeth. At least. I'm talking about a handy little tribe of people, for the most part.
In tandem with their inherent handiness, is what seems like a defiant sense of tenacity. Tell a Gypsy that something is simply impossible, and there's about a 93% chance that the impossible will be accomplished. That's the equilivant of a double-dog dare and well, who doesn't love a good story?
Gypsies tell Fish Tales, while we're warming our feet by a fire with our comrades. Gypsy tales rarely involve fish, but they always involve the telling and embellishment of ...."oooohhhhh. Yea, Vlad......You think THAT was impossible?!? Well, this one time, guess it was about two years ago cuz I was in Minneapolis.God, that was a bad choice for a winter relocation. But, I'm walking down the road to camp and a bus full of orphaned unicorns rolls three times right in front of me. The nun who was driving had suddenly gone blind. I had that bus back on the road, that nun in glasses and those cute little unicorns all patched up by lunch the next day. Now, THAT was impossible, dude."
*Note: This story just for illustrative purposes, gypsies are not brain damaged. Our real stories involve the people who employed us to do the impossible, mostly. And, while sworn to secrecy within said employers jurisdiction: All is fair in love and war while in the company of other gypsies. We never use real names or share specific locations, but the stories are fabulous.
Gypsies don't stand on street corners, sporting signs that have sadness on them, begging for spare change. Not so much beggars. In fact, should it come to pass that a Gypsy has to ask for even so much as a smoke or a dollar, a little part of him has died inside. Gypsies are bound by the centerpiece of Gypsy wisdom that makes it clear: Gypsies don't beg. Now, we'll stand on a street corner, on a drizzly winter night and sing freaking Jimmy Buffet songs until the sun comes up as long as somebody feels like tossing dollars in the case, but we would rather die than ask you for a smoke. We are not beggars. That alone helps differentiate us from the Homeless.
Gypsies can transform into handsomely groomed, charming, gregarious, well-versed and subservient as hell partners in crime, too. It's a pretty sweet bonus feature. We work exceptionally well in positions of support - we will gladly do what ever it takes to help you steer this ship into the iceberg and we will tell you that you look fabulous while doing it.
We will, however, always hold you to the terms that were agreed upon when you elected to own a Gypsy for as long as necessary because it's only reasonable. We expect every agreement and handshake to be true and bankable. Although, not a lot of actual "banking" going on in the Gypsy world, just so you know. A whole lot of prepaid cellphones and credit cards. But, if you employ our services for 29 hours at $20/hour - rest assured that is on a list in a notebook and quite possibly on a spreadsheet in Excel. Gypsies are always aiming to get a little bit ahead because their computer is dying, the bridge broke on the guitar or there's this one tooth that is coming into a fine fine abscess.
It's hard to say whether the Gypsies travel because they have to or because they want to. My guess would have to some combination of the two.
I think that's enough for tonight, kids. You look tired.
Maybe tomorrow I will tell you more about The Gypsies.
I am hugging you goodnight.
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