RED DEER or RED BEER?

In the course of any given day I have a wide and vast array of things to do. One of them lately has been helping thin out this herd of Red Deer.
Most all of my hundreds of phone calls (I've posted in 4 states and countless cities) have come from men.
Most of these men are named Earl or Walter and they're sitting at (poorly lit) kitchen tables at their brother's house.
Most of them are drinking Budweiser. They alternate surfing porn with finding stuff they can kill or blow up.
They are Americans.
So far, one out every 57 buzzed guys I talk to turns into an actual conversion (harvesting the animals for food.)
The best citizen so far has been a woman who did most of the heavy lifting alone and had a solid hunting ethic.... blah blah blah, she was great. She kinda taught me the whole process so she gets big props for that. Seriously, BIG props.
When I saw that this query (below) came from a woman, I thought, "Well, right on. The last time went so well..." What follows is a transcript of the emails we've exchanged since 6 this morning:

Sent: Sun, Nov 15, 2009 9:42 am Subject: Re: RED DEER: UNUSUAL REQUEST: Re: LEGAL RED DEER FOR SIALE - $200 (PERRY, KS) SHE SAID: hello just want to know if your item is still available

THEN SHE SAID:
I have already gone through the details and i am interested in purchasing. I will be paying by Money Order and you should receive the payment within the coming week as per pick-up, I will make arrangement with the moving company to come for pick-up after payment has been received by you. l would appreciate if you take the posting off craigslist today and consider it sold to me. Idon't mind adding Extra $40 so you can keep it in my favor. Please provide your Name and address for payment along with your home phone number band cell phone number .My assistant will mail out the payment to your address Once payment is received we can proceed with the pickup. Thanks for your understanding and patience.Do have a nice time...waiting to read from you ASAP. Regards, Thank

On 11/15/09, Maureen (Moe) Masters wrote:

Ummm, Cindy - I'm not so sure we're on the same page here. These deer are alive and running around happily in a 10 acre lot.
Maybe you know something I don't, but I sort of doubt a moving company would either
a) herd this thing into a truck or trailer or
b) shoot him for you and field dress or transport to a locker.
We're in America. Kansas, to be specific.
Lots of deer here.
This is the most unusual request to date.
If we have to do any herding, we add $200 to the price. These guys are a pain to get into a truck. Let me know what you'd like to do. We've got plenty, no need to pay more or worry.
Thanks.
Moe

THEN SHE SAID: i know they are alive am interested in it and i will like to pay you your money and my picker will come over for the shipping would have love to call you but my phone is out of service so get i can't call you right now for the best response for me is to contact me via email.Please provide your Name and address for payment along with your home phone number band cell phone number .My assistant will mail out the payment to your address Once payment is received we can proceed with the pickup. Thanks for your understanding and patience.Do have a nice time...waiting to read from you ASAP.

On 11/15/09, Maureen (Moe) Masters wrote:
Y'know, Cindy - We've just crossed over into the land of "Too Bizarre."
What are you going to do with this deer?
Why do you want it?
Has your courier ever trailered a Red Deer?
Are you familiar with the Red Deer specie?
Where are you?
What size deer were you thinking of?
The prices now start at $400 ($200 extra to get it on the trailer) and go to $1200 (that big buck would be near impossible to load)
I need lots more information.
You don't have working phone service, but you want to buy a Red Deer? Seriously?
I'll be here.
THEN SHE SAID: my husband like the red beer and if you want to sale is for us stop asking us question okay we like your red beer that is why i sent you an email if you are ready to give it to us let me know oaky

Cindy,
I apologize, this has all been a misunderstanding.
I thought you were looking for Red DEER, not Red BEER.
I will not ask any more questions and wish you luck on your quest.
Take care.
Moe

It has taken me more than a minute or two to remember that there are scammers from other countries who stalk places like craigslist.
They're crazy and the their grasp of our language is tenuous at best.
I sent one last email that said I had forwarded all of our emails onto the better business bureau.
Which I may, or may not, have done.
This just cracked me up and I thought you might enjoy it.
If you know anybody looking for some Red Deer, hollah.
We'll talk.
later.