What Would You Say, After 25 Years?
March 2nd, 2010
Hey Tom,
Imagine my surprise at seeing you resurface after 25 years.
Sounds like you’ve had an interesting and full life. I’m glad you’re finding peace, comfort and basic necessities in Denver. I’m glad you’re warm and fed. I’m glad to hear that you’re working towards resolution.
I have started, erased and deleted, re-written and thought about this letter (almost exclusively) for the last 10 days. Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond – Apparently I had to work through just a whole shit ton of emotions that I thought I’d bedded down years ago. I find myself at the end of this day just being grateful that you have such great biology. We built some amazing humans. Our kids are Rock Stars.
The time we spent together shaped me in fundamental ways that guided my course for years. Maybe it still does, truth be told. If I think too much about it, even still, it makes me a little uneasy. I was just a kid. I’m glad you’ve come away with softened edges. Until I got your letter I hadn’t realized that my edges had softened. I’m thankful for so much.
I shit you not when I say: Justin and Chelsea are seriously and for real the most amazing humans I’ve ever met.
Both kids were always (and seriously. I mean ALWAYS) straight A kids in school. They were active in student government, they were in accelerated learning programs their whole lives, they had huge bodies of friends who all seemed to like our house best, they did theater things and sports things and lots of crazy things. They’re nuts.
They were a constant source of joy and support for me.
Chelsea was going to be a nun once for a minute. My dad made the kids go to Blessed Sacrament. It was a horribly disfiguring car-wreck for JT and Chelsea hung rosaries by all of our beds and built little grottos for the Blessed Virgin Mary. In the end, I sent them both to public schools and they excelled beyond belief.
We were in Papa Z’s pocket for so many (arguably, too many) years. He was a huge part of our lives. So was my mom, for that matter. So were your parents, for that matter. When you walked away you left a lot of smoking rubble in your wake. The upside is that the kids got lots of grandparent time.
They both went to every single dance that ever happened at their schools. JT was a player, as far as I can tell. He always had a body of cute girls dropping in. During his second semester of his freshman year he decided to wear expensive suits with ties, and carry a briefcase - just to mess with people. When the principal vetoed a long-honored tradition of a homecoming parade, he wrote a press release and was on all the TV news and above the fold on the B Section. He was a rogue street musician, pilot, international traveler and unbelievably clever prankster before he turned 15.
Chelsea is quite truly the most amazing, generous and chilled-out woman I’ve ever met. She’s brilliant, beautiful, strong and brave. She and Jonathan got together early in their sophomore year at East. So, he’s as much part of the family as anybody. He is an amazingly cool and chill (and gigantic) human. The first time he came to the door to take Chelsea on a date, I opened the door, slowly looked all the way up to his eyes and said, “Yea. Huh uh. You’re too big.” Chelsea was just a teeny-weeny cheerleader, he was some kinda football hero or something. Chelsea is our social pioneer. I think she could be president. In all probability though, I’m thinking she’ll do some kind of Ghandi-esque thing.
But, Seashell and Jon been together ever since. Their wedding was as big an ordeal as I’ve ever lived through in terms of Wedding Planning and Execution. It was so beautiful and perfect.
They are good and gracious people, Tom.
Neither Justin nor Chelsea has had to do without a whole lot, regardless of what they might tell you. JT still tells people that we were so poor I gave the kids cereal with water. WATER?!?! Seriously?!?! What’s up with that?!?!
We scrapped, we were homeless and we learned to dumpster dive. We lived in too many places for any of us to remember. We shot mice with bibi guns in the living room and we had a tipi in the backyard for a long time. But, I would never even try to make somebody eat cereal with water. It sure would have changed the course if you’d ever once paid child-support. That would have been something.
I thought I was so much bigger than this, but I have found myself thinking this: Seriously? You spend the better part of the past living in California raising pure-bred dogs and never once remembering that you’ve got obligations back in Kansas? How’d that work out for you?
But, now we are all clever, resourceful, respectful, thoughtful and empathetic humans. So I guess it’s all worked out well.
JT bought his first car online when he was 14 or 15 with money he saved from apprenticing as a glass blower one summer. That boy had some bank. He also waited tables and worked in a bike shop. Chelsea started working for my dad when she was still in grade school. I don’t know if you remember anything about my dad – but doing most anything with him required an abundant amount of patience. One time she was an Elf for Santa at the mall, and Santa was all creepy and making bizarre overtures towards her. She called and just said something like, “Um…yea. Somebody needs to come get me now from the mall, this job isn’t going to work out. Santa’s a perv.”
We went to the homeless shelters on the holidays to share food and music. They are well-rounded, well-traveled, well-read and socially conscious people. They are pretty amazing artists and unbelievably gifted writers (and researchers.)
They are my life’s’ work.
I was, by no measure a Poster Child for Amazing Mom-osity. I sucked out loud in ways that haven’t even been invented yet. I think that the fact we lived through it serves as testimony to my awesomeness though.
I went to college and sang to sold-out shows at the Coyote and played the Cotillion. I never missed a Bluegrass Festival in Winfield and my mom always kept the kids so I could have that one week every year with no responsibilities. I swore allegiance to people who didn’t have my best interest at heart and I’ve reaped unspeakably rich rewards from strangers. I got shot at and I slept in boxes in alleys. I’ve been a terrible disappointment and a well of joy. I’ve been betrayed by almost everyone to whom I am related by blood and I have always taken in every stray that shows up. Our colorful past helped pave the way for a reform of the stalking laws in Kansas.
I’ve nurtured, loved, grieved, nursed and entertained to the fullest extent of my abilities. Seven years ago my dad killed himself (after a 4 year global chase for his health) and then I found my best friend dead, and then my other best friend died unexpectedly of a staph infection in a hospital that was just supposed to give her a breathing treatment and THEN my mom’s lung cancer metastasized into brain cancer and she died. But, once I got a forever long standing ovation for singing three songs. And, I published stories above the fold and I laughed till I cried a lot more often than I just cried. So, maybe it all balances out.
Dude. I have no ill will. I would wish for you what I would wish for every other person who doesn’t currently piss me off: Good luck. Do it and do it like you mean it. Don’t leave any loose ends and clean up after yourself. Give back to those who have given to you and think happy thoughts. Life is really too short for anything else. Cowboy up. This matters. Make something of yourself and get on with it. Nobody at this table is getting any younger. I’ve buried way too many people and I know folks have a way of leaving unexpectedly. We have a job to do and I’m weary from carrying this load alone.
You procreated, Tom. We’re not done yet.
Peace out, homes.
Maureen
Hey Tom,
Imagine my surprise at seeing you resurface after 25 years.
Sounds like you’ve had an interesting and full life. I’m glad you’re finding peace, comfort and basic necessities in Denver. I’m glad you’re warm and fed. I’m glad to hear that you’re working towards resolution.
I have started, erased and deleted, re-written and thought about this letter (almost exclusively) for the last 10 days. Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond – Apparently I had to work through just a whole shit ton of emotions that I thought I’d bedded down years ago. I find myself at the end of this day just being grateful that you have such great biology. We built some amazing humans. Our kids are Rock Stars.
The time we spent together shaped me in fundamental ways that guided my course for years. Maybe it still does, truth be told. If I think too much about it, even still, it makes me a little uneasy. I was just a kid. I’m glad you’ve come away with softened edges. Until I got your letter I hadn’t realized that my edges had softened. I’m thankful for so much.
I shit you not when I say: Justin and Chelsea are seriously and for real the most amazing humans I’ve ever met.
Both kids were always (and seriously. I mean ALWAYS) straight A kids in school. They were active in student government, they were in accelerated learning programs their whole lives, they had huge bodies of friends who all seemed to like our house best, they did theater things and sports things and lots of crazy things. They’re nuts.
They were a constant source of joy and support for me.
Chelsea was going to be a nun once for a minute. My dad made the kids go to Blessed Sacrament. It was a horribly disfiguring car-wreck for JT and Chelsea hung rosaries by all of our beds and built little grottos for the Blessed Virgin Mary. In the end, I sent them both to public schools and they excelled beyond belief.
We were in Papa Z’s pocket for so many (arguably, too many) years. He was a huge part of our lives. So was my mom, for that matter. So were your parents, for that matter. When you walked away you left a lot of smoking rubble in your wake. The upside is that the kids got lots of grandparent time.
They both went to every single dance that ever happened at their schools. JT was a player, as far as I can tell. He always had a body of cute girls dropping in. During his second semester of his freshman year he decided to wear expensive suits with ties, and carry a briefcase - just to mess with people. When the principal vetoed a long-honored tradition of a homecoming parade, he wrote a press release and was on all the TV news and above the fold on the B Section. He was a rogue street musician, pilot, international traveler and unbelievably clever prankster before he turned 15.
Chelsea is quite truly the most amazing, generous and chilled-out woman I’ve ever met. She’s brilliant, beautiful, strong and brave. She and Jonathan got together early in their sophomore year at East. So, he’s as much part of the family as anybody. He is an amazingly cool and chill (and gigantic) human. The first time he came to the door to take Chelsea on a date, I opened the door, slowly looked all the way up to his eyes and said, “Yea. Huh uh. You’re too big.” Chelsea was just a teeny-weeny cheerleader, he was some kinda football hero or something. Chelsea is our social pioneer. I think she could be president. In all probability though, I’m thinking she’ll do some kind of Ghandi-esque thing.
But, Seashell and Jon been together ever since. Their wedding was as big an ordeal as I’ve ever lived through in terms of Wedding Planning and Execution. It was so beautiful and perfect.
They are good and gracious people, Tom.
Neither Justin nor Chelsea has had to do without a whole lot, regardless of what they might tell you. JT still tells people that we were so poor I gave the kids cereal with water. WATER?!?! Seriously?!?! What’s up with that?!?!
We scrapped, we were homeless and we learned to dumpster dive. We lived in too many places for any of us to remember. We shot mice with bibi guns in the living room and we had a tipi in the backyard for a long time. But, I would never even try to make somebody eat cereal with water. It sure would have changed the course if you’d ever once paid child-support. That would have been something.
I thought I was so much bigger than this, but I have found myself thinking this: Seriously? You spend the better part of the past living in California raising pure-bred dogs and never once remembering that you’ve got obligations back in Kansas? How’d that work out for you?
But, now we are all clever, resourceful, respectful, thoughtful and empathetic humans. So I guess it’s all worked out well.
JT bought his first car online when he was 14 or 15 with money he saved from apprenticing as a glass blower one summer. That boy had some bank. He also waited tables and worked in a bike shop. Chelsea started working for my dad when she was still in grade school. I don’t know if you remember anything about my dad – but doing most anything with him required an abundant amount of patience. One time she was an Elf for Santa at the mall, and Santa was all creepy and making bizarre overtures towards her. She called and just said something like, “Um…yea. Somebody needs to come get me now from the mall, this job isn’t going to work out. Santa’s a perv.”
We went to the homeless shelters on the holidays to share food and music. They are well-rounded, well-traveled, well-read and socially conscious people. They are pretty amazing artists and unbelievably gifted writers (and researchers.)
They are my life’s’ work.
I was, by no measure a Poster Child for Amazing Mom-osity. I sucked out loud in ways that haven’t even been invented yet. I think that the fact we lived through it serves as testimony to my awesomeness though.
I went to college and sang to sold-out shows at the Coyote and played the Cotillion. I never missed a Bluegrass Festival in Winfield and my mom always kept the kids so I could have that one week every year with no responsibilities. I swore allegiance to people who didn’t have my best interest at heart and I’ve reaped unspeakably rich rewards from strangers. I got shot at and I slept in boxes in alleys. I’ve been a terrible disappointment and a well of joy. I’ve been betrayed by almost everyone to whom I am related by blood and I have always taken in every stray that shows up. Our colorful past helped pave the way for a reform of the stalking laws in Kansas.
I’ve nurtured, loved, grieved, nursed and entertained to the fullest extent of my abilities. Seven years ago my dad killed himself (after a 4 year global chase for his health) and then I found my best friend dead, and then my other best friend died unexpectedly of a staph infection in a hospital that was just supposed to give her a breathing treatment and THEN my mom’s lung cancer metastasized into brain cancer and she died. But, once I got a forever long standing ovation for singing three songs. And, I published stories above the fold and I laughed till I cried a lot more often than I just cried. So, maybe it all balances out.
Dude. I have no ill will. I would wish for you what I would wish for every other person who doesn’t currently piss me off: Good luck. Do it and do it like you mean it. Don’t leave any loose ends and clean up after yourself. Give back to those who have given to you and think happy thoughts. Life is really too short for anything else. Cowboy up. This matters. Make something of yourself and get on with it. Nobody at this table is getting any younger. I’ve buried way too many people and I know folks have a way of leaving unexpectedly. We have a job to do and I’m weary from carrying this load alone.
You procreated, Tom. We’re not done yet.
Peace out, homes.
Maureen
Wow Maureen... Yes you have done an amazing job. You have beautiful children, both inside and out. And you are amazing too. Terry Bartel
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