Pushing the Muse

When you're consciously trying to make yourself do something, it's much harder than just letting it occur organically. 

Remember your very first kiss? The one where you both knew that was the moment for your first kiss and you were all conscious of it and you didn't want to look a fool, and you weren't sure how to tilt your head? That moment? 

The one where you were just thinking about it too much?
That one?

There have certainly (hopefully) been all those other moments and kisses where you had no idea that was going to happen and took you so by surprise. Nobody was at the steering wheel. You had drained the brake fluid and you were going 100 on an open highway with no headlights at midnight.  
Those moments.

It's all about letting stuff happen organically, whispers and brushes and serendipity.

I abhor rules and deadlines and boundaries in pursuits of passion and have managed to meet a lifetime of creativity head-on by simply being moved by my Muse. She works (and produces) over-time.

I've never made a living at it, but I've had way more years rolling this way than not. I've created some pretty amazing people and stuff, I'm fine with the body of work and biology I would leave to the planet when I go. I have had deadlines and I've met them, I will probably just never like them all that much.

The Muse? Yea, don't even get me started on her.She won't return my calls.

My proclivity towards procrastination kicks into high gear when I know I've got something pressing on the front burner. I really don't like this inclination, but at least I know it's there. And, I do some stunning work in trying to make myself believe that I'm not procrastinating. So, there's that.

I almost always make deadline, but almost always tie up some days in revision too. I tweak stuff. I fluff and pick and re-arrange till it's just fine.

With each passing spin around the sun it becomes more clear that I'm not going to be an accountant or an astronaut. Highly unlikely that I'll marry into a higher station in life and more crazy-talk to think that I can conform enough to work a government job.

That's cool. Me and my Muse - we'll be right here. Dodging, spinning and bending with the occasional selling-out thrown in for good measure. 

We're always available for hire, it's like Rent-a-Cheerleader, really.
It's best to let us get hungry though, because, you see, we work much better when we're a little scared and almost starving.

In spite of the Muse's obstinance, we can make stuff happen in a heartbeat. She might be a fickle bitch, but you don't wanna try and move her plate when she's hungry. She bites.

All the hours logged sitting on the back of a flat-bed Malathion-soaked Dodge half-ton truck at sunset and being lost and unable to see the horizon in downtown Chicago have yielded some fine, fine writing.

I'd call me.