Only Because I Know You're Not Here

I'd just like to take this moment....
....to thank the Academy... and my parents... and God, and all the little people who helped me get here.
JUST kidding.
For real.
Now that I know there's only, like, nine people who drop by here in the course of a week, I just want to say thanks.
Thanks for not mistaking my kindness for love.
Thanks for knowing that I didn't want to sleep with you tonight and probably marry you tomorrow.
Thanks for not misinterpreting a dinner you bought me for a blow-job you're going to get after the cheesecake.
I know we're old, I know that life is short and I know that you're in a horrible, oppressive love-less marriage.
And, God I know how that sucks.
I know that you haven't been laid in, like, thirteen years.
But, I genuinely appreciate the fact that you're not going to prey upon me for simply being kind.
I will always be grateful that you didn't try to hide the fact that you're legally married.
I am breathing a huge sigh of relief.
I am so glad that we are here.
And, that life is long.
and short.
Depending upon how you slice it.
And... thanks. Just thanks. You've made my journey so much more illuminated and I owe you a debt of gratitude.
The proverbial Happy Ending is so over-rated.